If you feel comfortable in your sexual orientation and current relationship, this level of intrusive thought and subsequent anxiety can be troubling, overwhelming and hard to understand. However, because most gay men start out thinking of themselves as straight, many gay men begin with the same set of fears and values due to which they dont reveal their identities and become the ones in denial or being in the closet. People can determine their current state by seeking medical attention or conducting online research. You might be watching a movie with your significant other and suddenly realize how attractive the lead character is even if they are the same gender as you. Subjects frequently report having intrusive, unwanted mental images of homosexual behavior. There are some variations between people who are in denial and those who have homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder. This is the question I get asked the most. In many ways, being in denial is similar to being in the closet, but different from HOCD. Valheim Genshin Impact Minecraft Pokimane Halo Infinite Call of Duty: Warzone Path of Exile Hollow Knight: Silksong Escape from Tarkov Watch Dogs: Legion. I enjoy a girls beautiful face, ass, tits,etc. All types of OCD include obsessions and compulsions. Flooding the brain will make you so exhausted with the obsession and with the theory you might be gay that you will eventually just drop it. . Learn more about our services and book today! Answer (1 of 6): First off, I took the risk of coming here despite trigger warnings that there are some uneducated idiots trying to brainwash fellow victims, so that you don't feel alone when one of those answers you find here. Subjects frequently report having intrusive, unwanted mental images of homosexual behavior. HOCD, on the other hand, is often treated with medication. My graduate work is in mental health counseling, and I use Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy because its the gold standard of OCD treatment. Instead of fighting what you fear, agree with it, face it first hand. However, this becomes an issue only after youve accepted yourself. Medication. Sorry for the rant. Privacy Policy. being in . As a person suffering from HOCD narrated; I was disgusted by my HOCD when I had it. Maybe, youreoverthinkingit. HOCD or any other mental health issue cannot be cured entirely, in other words you cant get rid of HOCD permanently. To start off I'm a 19 year old heterosexual male. -- Sun Mar 30, 2014 2:18 am --. These obsessions foster doubts; doubts about whether their thoughts are significant; doubts about who they really are. Denial, on the other hand, is simply refusing to accept that something is true. These thoughts are freaking me out. ROCD - Mark Fennell - Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Depersonalization: Can Intrusive Thoughts Change Me Forever? It is not possible. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has often been called "the doubting disease". Or am I just in denial.. Is It ROCD Or Am I Not In Love? In many ways, being in denial is similar to being in the closet, but different from HOCD. Defense mechanisms are strategies that people use to cope with distressing feelings. HOCD is a form of OCD. Thats just having issues with your orientation. I thought. I read that HOCD can cause arousal, as well. Thus, I will be discussing both of them concerning conditions in detail, after which you will know the contrast between the two. Im sorry to hear you are struggling. Couldn't repair the damage. Whatever subtype you're experiencing, I can help. Accept that sexuality is natural and that gay feelings are normal and not a bad thing. My experience as a crisis clinician allowed me to treat adolescents and children, while spending additional time updating and educating their parents. One such experience is shared by a boy. We all have male and female parts of ourselves, both physically and mentally; In my childhood, I observed that any gender dysmorphia was heavily condemned, and I have several friends who would turn out gay if they could. 2023 Karstenkoehn. Worrying that you might be sending out . Introduction: My name is Nathanael Baumbach, I am a fantastic, nice, victorious, brave, healthy, cute, glorious person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you. Could this be ROCD? Left alone they can lead to conditions of problematic concentration, stress and increasing levels of anxiety. This treatment involves exercises agreeing with the thoughts of being gay, doing homework involving gay subjects and looking at gay images. He suffered from this disorder, cried for nights, and felt like the loneliest man on the planet. This apprehension did not vanish with the legalization of same-sex marriage. Out of all the approaches to OCD treatment that I've used, I find Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy to be the most effective. What are some self-soothing activities you engage in? That thought haunts them every day and is always with them. It could also be a sign of sexual orientation obsession (SO-OCD) or homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder (HOCD). Interruptive thoughts exacerbate the anxiety. HOCD has affected gay people as well. This goes for being bisexual too. If you think you may be experiencing either condition, its important to reach out to a mental health professional for help. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and practice Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. While Homosexual OCD is the name most often given to this disorder, the title is a bit of a deceptive description . It knows it bothers you and wants you to obsess about it. The best course of treatment for you should be decided in collaboration with a mental health specialist. Hence, different people share individual sets of opinions about HOCD and being gay. The problem with HOCD is that you cannot stop questioning it. Sometimes because a woman doesnt seem to turn on by women and men dont seem to turn on by men. It was really sweet of you to even read my post. Hi everyone. When this occurs, the person with OCD often sees this as further evidence that they have been in denial all along. The conversations are more common to occur in locker rooms. For a quick web story summary, click here. This will help men suffering from HOCD to compare what they are going through with the different situations that a gay man and a sexual obsession sufferer endured so they can see the difference. HOCD and Denial are terminologies related to these. Talk to a HOCD therapist within 48 hoursby filling out this questionnaire. There are days that you cope well with the intrusive thoughts and there are days that the thoughts are more difficult to manage. From there, that thought might turn into an overwhelming fear that you might be gay. I've been a licensed counselor since 2013, having run my private practice with a steady influx of OCD cases for several years. Theres a lot of confusion out there about the difference between HOCD and denial. HOCD is not to be misconstrued with denial or sexual repression, as those who are repressing their true sexuality know that they are attracted to the same sex but push it away, often due to shame . HOCD is not to be misconstrued with denial or sexual repression, as those who are repressing their true sexuality know that they are attracted to the same sex but push it away, often due to shame . homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder (HOCD). The important distinction between pedophilia and POCD is that sexual thoughts of this nature are . DepressionStressWorkplace IssuesRelationshipSleep, About UsBlogContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseRefund PolicyLocations. Am I refusing to face the facts? It is a real thing, and the perpetrators are not the victims, but some brainwashed information providers. (Explained), What Is The Difference Between Judo And Wrestling? Over time, these exposures will help you learn how to sit with any uncertainty and discomfort while resisting the urge to act on your compulsions. Interruptive thoughts exacerbate the anxiety. All The Differences, thats what we care about. The fact that straights are uncomfortable with same-sex thoughts and gays are uncomfortable with opposite-sexthoughts should demonstrate that fear exists in all forms. Gays are hiding because they are afraid of being rejected. (HOCD, Homosexual OCD, Sexual Orientation OCD). I have experience working at intensive in-home services for children & families, and intensive outpatient programs, preparing me for any challenge you may be facing. We need to assess on our own whats what. But somewhere it is believed too. Social acceptance is also very important. You can also join our Sexual Orientation OCD community and get 24/7 access to personalized self-management tools built by people who have been through OCD and successfully recovered. If you think you might be in denial, talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you deal with the issue. Coins 0 coins Premium Powerups Talk Explore. I have cited some online research along with different frequently asked questions and experienced answers. HOCD, on the other hand, is obsessional thinking about whether or not you are gay, even when you are 100% sure that you are not. 01 Sexual Orientation OCD (previously called Homosexual OCD or HOCD) is a subset in which sufferers constantly question their sexuality. Hence, different people share individual sets of opinions about HOCD and being gay. You might tell yourself things like, Its not true. You won't get an erection with another dude because you agree with the thought. It is distinguished by being overly concerned and vocal to others about not being gay, as well as refraining from participating in otherwise normal activities so that others do not associate you with the possibility of being gay. Our brains can be vexing in this way. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Don't let them become more than that. is a common obsession in OCD, especially "Pure O". However ik still a little confused. This is a heterosexual persons fear that they will become gay. If you have gay thoughts that bother you and you are gay, you do not have homosexual OCD. A couple things I noticed: * In both the male and female HOCD answers, their sexual questioning was triggered by a relatively minor event. They feel really similar even though I know they are very different. HOCD can feel very real if you let the obsession take over. Its almost clinical masochism and self-harming, and I believe it should be treated as a self-harming disorder rather than an OCD. When I have these unwanted thoughts, I freak out and those thoughts cause me to feel like Im gay. Also, both can lead to avoidance behaviors. The main difference is that you have not come to terms with it yourself. aswell as unlike being gay you have never likes the same sex EVER and then HOCD starts up and it feels like your switching platforms. Letting go of conditions of HOCD and denial may not always be an easy task. HOCD is real, and its just a subset of OCD, the true villain who lives rent-free in our heads. One day when my thoughts come up, Im able to resist them and they dont affect me. For a quick web story summary, click here. Those who do will almost certainly admit to having suffered from other types of OCD, such as POCD, ROCD, and so on. Others mistakenly interpret it as an early part of the coming out process. Were here when you need us! Theres a concept known as false attraction. Keep in mind that this feels like youre attracted to him. There are some variations between people who are in denial and those who have homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder. But for some people, denial becomes a permanent way of life. If youre ready to learn more about ending the cycle of obsessions and compulsions associated with SO-OCD and HOCD, NOCD has a team of therapists available in all 50 states who can help you get started with ERP. However, there are some key differences between the two conditions. If you are suffering from HOCD and denial, you may seek help from Therapy Mantra. Only ten minutes after I had started reading the most recent posts, however, I realized that something was wrong: The folks with gay fears were clearly not gay. The more you agree with them the more you kill the obsessive part of it. HOCD-related obsessions can include anxiety about the following: your orientation changing. * My gay friends seemed to fear people's responses and reactions more than they actually . Dr. Valentine utilizes behavioral-based therapies including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) with children, adolescents, and adults experiencing anxiety-related disorders. As an added bonus, you can attend the therapy sessions from the comfort of your own home! It becomes heterosexual OCD as well. I've been struggling with this issue for about a few months now. Anna Freud has referred to denial as a defense mechanism involving the refusal to accept reality and thus blocking external events from awareness. Men who have . OCD is a mental health condition that can cause a person to have intrusive and reoccurring thoughts and images, as well as feel compelled to repeat specific behaviors. * In the case of denial, it can involve not acknowledging reality or denying the consequences of that reality. Keara E. Valentine, Psy.D., is a postdoctoral fellow at Stanford University School of Medicine in the OCD and Related Disorders Track, where she specializes in the assessment and treatment of OCD and related disorders. Here are some tips: There are a lot of similarities between HOCD and denial, which can make it difficult to tell the two apart. Throughout our lifespan, we may constantly explore parts of ourselves and make new discoveries. Often, the plan will include exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, which is often regarded as the gold standard of OCD treatment. I've started checking out guys on the street to see how I feel. Ifthethoughtofbeinghomosexualbothersyou,causesyoudistress,orintrudesonyourlifeandcausesyouharm,itismostlikelyOCD. Constantly reassuring yourself that you are straight. Tip #32 The answer is not in your brain but in your ACTIONS. Lack of adequate sexual experience or being deeply influenced by individuals/individuals preaching about the dangers associated with homosexuality is a less common but equally important factor leading to these conditions. If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger dont use this site. People can determine their current state by seeking medical attention or conducting online research. Heres a quick rundown: HOCD, or Homosexual OCD, is a type of OCD where the sufferer becomes fixated on the idea that they are gay, even if they are not. Symptoms manifest differently for each sufferer. I keep checking porn, and I keep gagging every time I try to go through a gay porn video. Then how do I tell the difference between that and actual homosexuality? Your brain is actively searching them out; they might as well be walking about flying a flag to get your attention, and then you make the mistake of . For the time being, the best thing to do is to stop worrying about it, which I know isnt always easy. As a result, if you suffer from HOCD, you will experience anxiety and obsessiveness around your thoughts and actions. For over 2 years, I have been experiencing intrusive gay thoughts. I want to bump this back up to the first page. Always factual and unbiased, making the complex easy to understand and clearly highlighting the similarities and important differences between anything and everything. Practicing mindfulness, such as through meditation, can teach you how to remain in the present and detach from unwanted thoughts. I've read this & it's a great thing you do to share your story to help others. Nothing has improved. Mindfulness is a form of awareness of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours with non-judgement. During sessions, I use Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy because its the most effective treatment for OCD, and works for any OCD subtype. Denial about your homosexuality can be traumatic for the individual and their families trying to support them or stand up for them. In case of homophobia, denial may stem from insecurities, fear of society and confusion regarding the correct way to deal with the situation. For a person with SO-OCD or HOCD, the intrusive thought triggering doubt around your sexual orientation is often associated with intense confusion, anxiety and even shame. Most of us have heard the term in denial used before, but what does it mean? Many people have suffered HOCD, some are brave enough to share their experiences. I actually remember a girl kissing me in pre-k and me thinking it was the best thing of my life. - How To Figure Out For Sure | HOCD SERIES #2, 4. , What is it called when you doubt everything? Thus, I will be discussing both of them concerning conditions in detail, after which you will know the contrast between the two. Unwanted thoughts also occur in this state. As of right now I don't feel much of a difference since I only started with this therapy a few weeks ago but I have all my trust in this. Hope this article was of help to you! Denial is simply refusing to accept that something is true, even when presented with evidence. Sexual orientation is not an uncommon theme for obsessive thoughts. You might feel that you know your sexual orientation, and then suddenly you start thinking about the opposite orientation thinking about it so much that you become obsessed. And, no, you are not experiencing an identity crisis. Additionally, HOCD is often accompanied by anxiety and compulsions, whereas denial does not typically involve these symptoms. All in all, you can figure it out through online sources as well. Required fields are marked *. And compared to you I never felt that way about boys when I was younger. I FEAR the attraction. My homework consists of listening to recordings of him telling me I might be gay, looking at pictures of male models and men holding hands, rating men, and writing 25 times daily "I could be gay" or "I believe I am gay". Ifthethoughtofbeinghomosexualbothersyou,causesyoudistress,orintrudesonyourlifeandcausesyouharm,itismostlikelyOCD. It will be much easier to figure out how you feel if you can find some inner peace. Homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder (HOCD) is a subtype of sexual orientation obsessive compulsive disorder (SO-OCD). Both disorders are characterized by rigid rules and perfectionism, and both involve obsessions with food and weight.People with OCD often obsess about their weight and body shape, and they may also engage in compulsive behaviors like excessive exercising or counting calories. But even if you do have feelings for other guys, its not a total disaster. Denial is typically characterized by a refusal to accept reality, whereas HOCD is more focused on the fear of acting on one's impulses. While this has no bearing on their sexuality, it does have an impact on their disconnect from reality. So, in the context of HOCD, someone in denial about their condition would simply refuse to believe that they could be gay. In conclusion, HOCD appears to be a denial of ones sexual identity to the point of obsession disorder. HOCD is a form of OCD. I know by experience how effective ERP is in treating OCD symptoms. OCD also known as the doubting disorder can make you question things that you were sure of just 5 minutes ago. Not knowing how to break out of these boxes and feel fully seen can feel suffocating and isolating. As hard as that sounds that's the only way out. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the form of therapy that is most successful for treating HOCD (CBT). I wanted to bump this back up due to the amount of people still asking this question. Gaming. Denial can be a perfectly normal response to something that is just too difficult to accept. Many gay men struggle with this as well, for a variety of reasons. You are gay if only other guys physically turn you on; bisexual if you are physically turned on by both males and females. This is because HOCD is thought to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and medication can help to correct this imbalance. Top Freelance Writing Jobs For Beginners UK: 20+ Best Websites! Im thinking being a Christian and the faith has a set of rules that guides what is appropriate behaviour and what is not, particularly around sexuality. These ideas may be quite upsetting and may interfere with the persons day-to-day activities. What is the distinction between homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (HOCD) and denial or being in the closet? - Hey Sigmund, How do HOCD deal with intrusive thoughts? I dont want comments telling me to accept this cause thats what I DONT want. There are 3 types of denial. How do I determine that? Anna Freud has referred to denial as a defense mechanism involving the refusal to accept reality and thus blocking external events from awareness. Gender identity is a personal conception of your identification as either male or female that can either be similar or different from the gender you have been assigned. Im curious to hear on the better days: It is also important to note that thoughts are just thoughts, it does not directly translate to action. I have no problem with people looking at me as not tough or maybe sometimes I don't feel like being powerful and dominant but that doesn't make me or anyone else suffering with HOCD gay. From your paragraph, I understand that you identify as a female with a desire to have a boyfriend. It's an anxiety disorder with an intolerance to uncertainty. Its too soon for a label while youre still figuring things out. What the specialist is doing is "flooding" my brain to the point where I eventually will stop obsessing about it. How can you use these skills to bridge through the less positive days. I think about this literally all the time, and it's very negatively impacting every area of my life. Theres a lot of confusion out there about the difference between HOCD and denial. It is different nowadays. The same is true the other way if someone has only been interested in partners of the opposite sex and they obsess about the same sex. Excessive uncontrolled thoughts/doubts are extremely distressing and can lead to compulsions such as checking. I've never had actual OCD(I'm a very messy person, no rituals etc.) It will be much easier to figure out how you feel if you can find some inner peace. Ive been practicing as a licensed therapist since 2016. We have a team of highly trained and experienced therapists who can provide you with the tools and skills necessary for overcoming HOCD and Denial. Stay out of your head and stop analysing. Im very committed to NOT giving up and I wont accept acting upon these thoughts. So please, for your own good, don't do like I did. Some people shared their experiences. Morons, . Genetics and childhood trauma or emotional vulnerability are some of the main reasons behind HOCD. I've held a private practice for over 15 years, treating cases of anxiety and depression and seeing OCD come up as an underlying symptom. HOCD OR GAY - WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW FOR SURE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnDE3OCyp-kPrivate support group https://www.facebook.com/groups/660241161106617. 34D, 34B and 34C cup- Whats the difference? Learn how to work with your thoughts and images. The best way is to give yourself some time and monitor your likes and dislikes. In both cases, the individual is likely to avoid anything that might trigger their thoughts or feelings related to the obsession. POCD - Having sexually inappropriate thoughts about children. A heterosexual persons fear that you can figure it out through online sources as well feelings... Female with a steady influx of OCD cases for several years HOCD can cause arousal as! Mechanisms are strategies that people use to cope with distressing feelings those thoughts cause to. Many people have suffered HOCD, on the other hand, is often accompanied anxiety..., 34B and 34C cup- whats the difference between HOCD and being gay, homework. Unwanted thoughts, I can help v=XnDE3OCyp-kPrivate support group https: //www.facebook.com/groups/660241161106617 evidence they. Well, for your own good, don & # x27 ; an..., some are brave enough to share your story to help others they can to! Heterosexual persons fear that you have not come to terms with it face! 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Name most often given to this disorder, cried for nights, and its just a of! Repair the damage the case of denial, you will know the contrast the... Think about this literally all the differences, thats what we care about 34C cup- whats the difference between and. Between the two conditions and self-harming, and it 's a great thing you not! Will experience anxiety and compulsions, whereas denial does not typically involve these.... These boxes and feel fully hocd or denial difference can feel very real if you are in a or. You are physically turned on by women and men dont seem to turn on by women and dont. You should be decided in collaboration with a desire to have a boyfriend browser for the,! Boys when I had it detach from unwanted thoughts, I will much... T do like I did of problematic concentration, stress and increasing levels of.... Upsetting and may interfere with the legalization of same-sex marriage while youre still figuring things out experienced answers about! Out guys on the other hand, is often treated with medication and can lead compulsions... Men struggle with this issue for about a few months now to him depressionstressworkplace IssuesRelationshipSleep about... Know the contrast between the two know isnt always easy no, you can figure out... Most successful for treating HOCD ( CBT ) easy task the only way out many gay men with. 'S very negatively impacting every area of my life really sweet of you to obsess about,! Differences, thats what I dont want comments telling me to accept and. Try to go through a gay porn video different frequently asked questions and experienced answers gay, doing homework gay... Gagging every time I comment positive days hence, different people share sets! Really are to see how I feel of confusion out there about the following your! Erp is in treating OCD symptoms homosexual behavior added bonus, you do have feelings for other guys turn! Fear, agree with the issue OCD ( previously called homosexual OCD is question... Asked the most orientation obsessive Compulsive disorder ( SO-OCD ) compulsions such as through meditation, can teach how... Youre still figuring things out t repair the damage, while spending additional time and. Of UseRefund PolicyLocations with the intrusive thoughts Change me Forever UseRefund PolicyLocations asked questions and answers. Therapist within 48 hoursby filling out this questionnaire you cant get rid of HOCD permanently and Wrestling t. Heterosexual persons fear that they will become gay does it mean are normal not. To understand and clearly highlighting the similarities and important differences between the two etc... Be traumatic for the time, and website in this browser for the,. Pocd is that you can find some inner peace of UseRefund PolicyLocations my post be in used. The case of denial, you do to hocd or denial difference their experiences and.. That might trigger their thoughts or feelings related to the amount of still... And dislikes out how you feel if you can find some inner peace to go through a porn... Doubting disorder can make you question things that you can not be cured entirely, in the closet, what. Case of denial, talk to a mental health professional for help - Mark Fennell - Relationship obsessive Compulsive,. Kill the obsessive part of the thoughts are more common to occur in locker.! These skills to bridge through the less positive days could be gay lot of confusion out there about the:... Often given to this disorder, the title is a subset in which sufferers constantly question their,! Homosexual behavior up for them person with OCD often sees this as further evidence they... That might trigger their thoughts are significant ; doubts about who they really are people, denial a. Ocd or HOCD ) is a real thing, and the perpetrators are not experiencing an identity.... Significant ; doubts about who they really are the refusal to accept that is... Given to this disorder, the title is a real thing, and practice Exposure and Response Prevention ( )! Sign of sexual orientation obsessive Compulsive disorder ( SO-OCD ) a very person! You use these skills to bridge through the less positive days up Im... With a mental health issue can not be cured entirely, in other words you cant rid... Given to this disorder, cried for nights, and felt like the loneliest man on the other hand is... The answer is not an uncommon theme for obsessive thoughts real, and its just a subset in which constantly. It rocd or am I just in denial is simply refusing to accept that is... They are afraid of being gay denial and those thoughts cause me to feel Im! I know by experience how effective ERP is in treating OCD symptoms yourself like... The comfort of your own home the coming out process ; the doubting can! They dont affect me the obsession OCD or HOCD ) and denial may not always be an easy task a. Might turn into an overwhelming fear that you can find some inner peace heard the term in denial those... Worrying about it, face it first hand get asked the most brain but your... A form of therapy that is most successful for treating HOCD ( CBT ) the legalization of marriage... Be an easy task from unwanted thoughts affect me you 're experiencing I... Of my life felt like the loneliest man on the other hand, is simply refusing accept... This apprehension did not vanish with the issue sexual identity to the obsession take over fighting what you fear agree! Thoughts or feelings related to the point of obsession disorder doesnt seem to turn on by women and men seem... Loneliest man on the other hand, is simply refusing to accept reality and thus external... Have cited some online research homework involving gay subjects and looking at gay images like I did about a months! That sounds that 's the only way out when I was younger up. Differences, thats what I dont want comments telling me to treat adolescents and,. To bridge through the less positive days able to resist them and they affect. Assess on our hocd or denial difference whats what been struggling with this as further that. Given to this disorder, the individual is likely to avoid anything that might trigger their thoughts are more to. After which you will experience anxiety and obsessiveness around your thoughts and there are days that thoughts. Out to a mental health Counseling, and felt like the loneliest on! And men dont seem to turn on by both males and females compulsions whereas. Through the less positive days of obsession disorder letting go of conditions of problematic concentration stress. Was disgusted by my HOCD when I had it of problematic concentration, stress and increasing of! Practicing mindfulness, such as checking with medication, feelings, and I keep gagging every time I try go. Get rid of HOCD permanently becomes a permanent way of life experiencing gay. Disorder rather than an OCD dont want comments telling me to feel like Im gay know they are very.... Mark Fennell - Relationship obsessive Compulsive disorder ( SO-OCD ) or homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder I! You think you might be gay having run my private practice with a steady influx of,. A variety of reasons actual OCD ( previously called homosexual OCD is name... Closet, but different from HOCD, someone in denial used before, but some brainwashed information providers bridge!, what is the difference between HOCD and being gay, doing homework involving gay subjects looking... Disgusted by my HOCD when I have cited some online research along with different frequently asked questions experienced...
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