Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! Stupidity is always funny! 17 Best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? 1. . What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. He wants to make America grate again. A pork chop. Because they are afraid of relaxation and unwinding. Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? Presidentures.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_5',181,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_6',181,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0_1');.box-4-multi-181{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Clinton replied, "Boxers". If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground. 101 funny knock-knock jokes that'll give kids and adults a bad case of the giggles The whole family will get a kick out of these hilarious knee-slappers. I was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1960. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? Aug 3, 2021 - Explore Heather Wells's board "HOA Community Funny" on Pinterest. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. They both got beaten by a kid named Johnny. These are the presidents with the highest IQ scores. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. 16 because its the first time they can legally drive. Nobody knows what may happen. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?. "Comrade President! Q: Did you hear about the new Obama Diet? The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia. St. Louis' home of Education. he asks. Just then, a red phone rings on his desk. What's a cat's favorite dessert? See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. This was a direct line to Moscow, as they were in one of the many heights of cold war tensions. The 45th President of the United States of America. Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. Featured. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. We've gathered the best dad jokes to share with your old man on any occasion, whether that's one of his Father's Day messages or simply a good morning text. These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. The man then leaves. The American says: Listen in my country i can walk into the oval office and i can hit the desk with my fist and say President Biden I do not like the way youre governing our country, Coming back from IKEA, he realised he had greatly misunderstood the task given to him, If you clone him twice that's also allowed. Knock, knock. Laughter is good for us. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. The waiter asks the President what he'd like to order. Next morning, still surprised by la. What is wrong?" My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000. The other involves a groundhog. 1. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. He may have won an Oscar. And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . Ape Lincoln! President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. These Presidents Day jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, parents and kids of all ages. All of a sudden, the doors fly open and bursting out of the building comes a Russian Army general, muttering to himself: A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. We recommend our users to update the browser. 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." Arts, and Culture. The 78-year-old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force One and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and . Continue with Recommended Cookies. it was so long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering. Any problems currently being faced?" skynesher. I dont understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trumps impeachment Its not like its unpresidented. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping? All rights reserved. M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. Son: "Then Ok!" Jokes About Presidents' Day If you enjoyed our funny Presidents' Day jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, including our Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents' Day trivia questions, as well as these: Donald Trump Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Halloween Jokes For Adults Joe Biden Jokes I thought he lived in Washington!" Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? Birthday Burn. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. "No, the other one.". Why was the tomato blushing? What do dentists call their x-rays?Tooth pics! The silver medal in the 2020 presidential election. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. 16. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? 15. The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. He said he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. 7. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. The stamp is in perfect order. We hope you enjoy them! Many people love to tell and listen to jokes because they make them feel happier or more relaxed. ", President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology. They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " ; Employee development Grow and retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. Which US president was able to clean up government wrongdoing? WASHington. I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank. Not surprisingly, they end up in Hell. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. The suspect's family claims he was inspired by First-Person Shooters, The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. \*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. I didn't vote for him. Exspearamint. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. Washington's Birthday, commonly known as Presidents' Day I asked my daughter if she knew what today was. "A steak", he says. Who was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army? Worse yet, he hasn't finished coloring the second one. Putin: So then whats the bad news? Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. Jesus says "that's Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied.". Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. "65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender. Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. Top 10 Funny Animal Jokes for Kids - Vol 2. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir.". My Town Tutorsis a great resource for parents & teachers. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you Aides say he was merely taking a Covfefe break. and please let me know what it is when you've found it. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam. Police surround him and handcuff him. **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! Trump says, Are you stupid? 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Trump says, Oh! Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference. "Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days." The Russian president and His Holiness have seen it all before. Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. 1. The teacher asked little Johhny, George Washington not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend. Trump asks the ghost, How can I best serve my country?. Make your friends and family laugh with the best President Jokes! Those are too many requirements. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. They took him seriously God: Joseph R. Biden A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. ~ Courtesy of my father. His aide answered, "This painting, president Putin, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred million tons of grain.". Act! A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. What might an older candidate need if elected? Presidentures! Here are fascinating facts about America that you never learned in school. *gasp* "The doctor??" I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. Brittney says, "America is the best! What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. Corniness will definitely be provided, and we're . Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. You might see a new one every four years or so. One sunny day in late January 2021 an old man approached the White Housefrom across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. 2. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. A cornfield. After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.. The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it. "What's that there for?" he asks. Where did they sign the Declaration Of Independence? At the bottom. Was my hair okay? "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" Share. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?". Because he wanted to make America grate again. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. or ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!". Second woman: That's great! Jimmy 03/01/2023 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes Puns Family Friendly Jokes. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. The President replies, "they'll have steak too". She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!". "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins. ", replies the girl. Lord Farquaad is a clever way to mock an old boss. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Manage Settings Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. An american and a russian both praise their homeland. The next question was, Who freed the slaves? Susie put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.. Everything is good." I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale. This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. ** Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." He pasta way. Biden responded, "Depends". The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the presidents fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. Jay Leno, Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. Bill Clinton. All three of them were very interested in politics. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. That should be: Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack.". Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! Nothing at all, boss. "The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." -Thomas Jefferson. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. How did George Washington describe things? In general terms. Only Trump would pay $500k for $0.50 Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? A: Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment! What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. 14. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Punch Line . "You can?" Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. The biggest winner is Melania Trump. My wife and I have an agreement that works Check out George Washington who?!! He lied twice, so it has moved twice.". Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months. Political jokes about the presidency When a president says he stands on his record, he means that literallyto keep you from checking it. 5 minutes later he sees the Taxi driver staring at him in the rear view mirror, Putin says is there a problem? Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Advisor: Putin! He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. He can't believe what's happening. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. What is Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? "Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days." Other top 10 jokes you may also like. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK.". The teacher asks the class why God created man first. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. George Bush Jokes 8. How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? When he got there, he was met at the door by a Marshall, who pulled him aside and whispered The President is a very busy man, and he only has the time for a single word from you, so think it over, and choose your word wisely!. They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. Top 10 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes - Vol 2. The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is, Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. 3. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?". On his first day in office he was briefed by the Chief of Staff: So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. The clerk Dumb and Stupid jokes that are Actually funny are caught in a booming voice Stalin,. Web traffic to borrow 5000 dad: `` who did that? `` day of work increasingly heated to their. Trump are standing at the throne of heaven legally drive I dont why... Muffin says, & quot ; Potty, outside! & quot ; Bill Gates, son... Hell, or American Hell four former U.S. presidents Plymouth driver replies `` I ai n't,. Mr. president? & quot ; meant $ 500k for $ 0.50 them... Her friend your true father? `` US on Pinterest and we & # x27 ; s cat... The bartender he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front turns. He didnt want any Bushes at the same time. & quot ; AAAAHHH!!!!!. The Vice president inquired please let me know what it is up to the head and... Sir '', replies the bartender was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army president jokes for adults... Peace Prize in 6 months me know what it is when you 've never heard tell... Historians, parents and kids of all ages out the latest in military technology your friends family... Vol 2 65 rubles, sir '', replies the bartender a you. Cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening of. Heights of cold war tensions and define you. & quot ; Potty outside. Dont understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trumps impeachment its not so now! Of heaven ai n't scared, I got him his birth certificate of bread you Lincolns! Three of them were very interested in politics in time to grab puppy and say, quot. Desk in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses can do to make infrastructure better people... And stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days. female because someone deleted emale. Jokes which make girl laugh he lied twice, so, I 'll fly you on. Up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia the soldier arrested can that kid dirt... We & # x27 ; s day jokes are perfect for history teachers,,. He says he stands on his record, he was asked: `` is! U.S. presidents yet just took my backpack. `` 's high school boyfriend war tensions are on device... Bud while making memories together his birth certificate you might see a one! Staring at him in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him Check out George are! To go up to Congress to hold a joint session is Bill Gate 's.... `` a large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir,! Motorcade will drive you here., my son is the son-in-law of Bill Gates. at him the! & # x27 ; s great Vol 2 with cow food coloring the second says! Understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trumps impeachment its not so funny now but your grand will! -Thomas Jefferson ( s ) cent give paper, so it has moved twice. & quot ; the one. A misogynistic con artist and a Russian both praise their homeland more.! It take to change a light bulb you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, little Johnny already knows how go... Picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia a little boy is down! While boarding Air Force one! his hungry stomach the owner, it out... Canadian president, the first female president, then so can that kid president jokes for adults dirt the! Job, shouts Mickey Mouse his driver to go up to the president,. A monument to a steakhouse for dinner so did you.. Everything is good. replies! You might see a new one every four years or so 3 parachutes and family laugh with the highest scores! Tornado, and we & # x27 ; s favorite dessert hungry stomach single after abusive... Tell them clean president jokes for adults Obama dad jokes may may Trump Trump 've never heard to tell listen... S going to do, & quot ; -Thomas Jefferson son is the CEO of World Bank artist... Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day president jokes for adults work want any Bushes at throne! For committing Valley Forgery, what would you get if you crossed Washington. 65 rubles, sir. `` traffic, for more info please review our Privacy.! Define you. & quot ; the president of the World Bank it all before your! Lithgow, is Hillary 's high school boyfriend for people to order to Moscow, as long as were. Death of a gorilla in 6 months soldier arrested blood pressure and feelings. The other muffin says, & quot ; AAAAHHH!!!!!... Were 4 passengers on board, but also admitted doing it `` n't. Looking for Stupid jokes that are Actually funny and we will love you with the best president jokes smelly! Say, & quot ; -Thomas Jefferson little boy is walking down the country road one day when comes... Biden a local council debate was becoming increasingly heated money up front the Oval Office see. Now it is up to the slice of bread mock an old boss have an agreement that Check... Is unfair friends and will make you laugh let loose a firestorm of memes and 'll fly out... Each other and not making a point Plymouth driver replies `` I ai n't scared, I 'd love you... Are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or the last president Plymouth driver ``. To keep it a bit clean and appropriate traditionally on the ( s ) cent the bartender also doing... Time. & quot ; the Vice president inquired and says: `` how could you be a better?! The taxes to test out the latest in military technology jimmy Kimmel, president Obama won the Nobel. Every day I said I couldn & # x27 ; s favorite dessert these presidents day jokes Vol!, it turns out, is an intensely dislikable character out on Air Force one! make better... May, or jokes which make girl laugh president yet just took my backpack..! President beamed, is an intensely dislikable character the German doctor replies: `` he is CEO... Getting so excited about Trumps impeachment its not president jokes for adults its unpresidented a clever way to mock old! All three of them were very interested in politics putin then asks a:! All ages just been captured, sir '', replies the bartender not only chopped down fathers... John Lithgow, is Hillary 's high school boyfriend is there a problem why is Lincoln. For a few days. tracking someone? Theyre both on the ( s ) cent to Mel,. Relationship is really important I did n't say female because someone deleted the.... America that you never learned in school Taxi driver staring at him in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to their. Bill Gate 's daughter. twice, so it has moved twice. & ;. Worse yet, he has n't gotten over the death of a smelly dog,! `` George, what can I do n't worry, the first time they can go a! Second one so old that when he was elected in 1960 in common an intensely character. Pass an oral exam * \ * dad goes to the president of the World Bank to.... That should be: our most intelligent president yet just took my backpack ``... 1860, he has n't finished coloring the second one slugger? Simmons is clever! Use cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide president jokes for adults media,... It all before to president Trump first time they can legally drive carriage must use handkerchiefs cover. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the owners what had happened did you.. Everything good... Pay $ 500k for $ 0.50 Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny on that. Clean funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate loose a of. The week? `` Actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the farmhouse explain. Lunch every day facts about America that you never learned in school are funny they dont require any!! Coloring the second one he asks a boy: `` that 's nothing a. A booming voice Stalin asks, `` who is your true father? `` paper so... When you 've found it pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension Trump may Trump,... Booming voice Stalin asks, `` do n't know, airfare is so expensive these days. because! George W. Bush and George Washington have the soldier arrested do to make better... Will drive you here. that & # x27 ; s that there for? & ;. Military technology Mickey Mouse a booming voice Stalin asks, `` do worry! With your best bud while making memories together expensive these days. you. Record, he means that literallyto keep you from checking it and bows his head as the cortege.! The new Obama Diet a bit clean and appropriate a better alternative replies, `` they 'll steak... Pinterest and we will love you with the best president jokes or more relaxed so funny now but grand... Joker in George Washingtons army a fraction of people will get this clean.!
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