These images sum it up perfectly. He may be following the old adage, "If you can't say anything good, then don't say anything at all.". Most of our friends were developed through the people we have met in those activities (those mentioned in this post excluded). Then, really invite your husband to share his experience of what's been happening in the marriage. Not a legacy to be proud of. He needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings in it as much as you are to actually communicate with each other. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. Take time to let the responses settle in, and strive not to be defensive," she says. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. They go into a mode of I am such a good person, it must be YOUR fault that I did such an awful thing. Well, if you do your best at something and still FAIL, where do you go from there? Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. There will be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost. Nikada / iStock. Money cant buy those things and unless your soon to be ex does some serious repenting and reparation, he will NEVER have that. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. First, that you need to be true to yourself and work towards the things that bring you the most joy in . The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. John, you really have to (as hard as it is) discount the things they say while still in the affair fog. Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! He watches TV all day long and plays computer games on his phone. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. Dear sister, yes, these feelings haunt me daily. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. I am with him 24/7 365 and at 65 I have become his parent. BUT I am so happy that this is FINALLY coming to closure for you. "Be willing to hear his feedback and experiences in the marriage," says Henry. 261K views, 8.6K likes, 1.4K loves, 409 comments, 347 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ginaalopeez: Me r0bar0n mi celular!! Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. That too is wrong. Its all about him and hes still in control! And he needs to answer those questions. I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. Oh, one more thing. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? My dumb self will tag along because "it's at least something". The affair partner wants to place the blame on the betrayed spouse. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me; it hurts. And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. It will always throw things twenty steps back. he says he knows I am fighting for us but he also knows me and I am just getting ready for when we divorce. Some people are able to deal with reaching those limits in a healthy way (seeking help, being honest, or even leaving) and others implode. Right now some days I just want to crawl under a rock. He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. He is always focused on himself. Empty nest for all of us is just around the corner. I feel none of it was appreciated and he has a sense of entitlement. No matter how much our friends love each other and they do they are not immune to boredom. OMG my husband would think he had died and gone to heaven, LOL. I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. My husband is a homebody, so am i, but i do like to go out just for an hour or (walk the dog , or take the kids to the park on their bikes). Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. I say grow up, be bored and count yourself lucky you have the luxury to be bored. Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. It ticks me off because I loved and supported him and he knew it. By talking openly with each other and trying to understand one another better, you can overcome any obstacle in your path toward a happy and fulfilling relationship. Here is how our date nights go: I say I think we should have some time alone, he says sure, I wait, he does nothing, I eventually text the sitter and make reservations, and we go. Im exhausted and burned out. Certainly you must determine that there is nothing more serious physically going on as well. I couldnt say it better EG. She said the same thing about being bored and finding excitement. they are dependent on those activities. Spend an evening each week catching up on your favorite TV show or reading books side by side. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. Rachel, hes not winning or in control. I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. Tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you. Try to understand and support his new goals. I get upset just thinking about it. I however am back to working full time at our business since he practically decimated it with his affair partner working there so I dont have much time or inclination to be the perfect homemaker he used to be married to. I dont husband bash has either. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. I WON! This can make him feel resentful and unwilling to spend time with you. If you are struggling to find a boyfriend OR can't get quality men to commit to you then read this post to find out why. I encourage you to ask me for clarification, if you are not clear with my Answer. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. Ugh. If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. I found a good website on CPTSD, called Strength to Heal, I think. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me because of mental illness? And honestly I have done that at times. On my birthday . Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. My H never wants to do anything and has called his existence dead with me and that she awakened him. Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. But where is my security? The excitement and stimulation came from the illicitness of what they were doing sneaking around on their spouses like teenagers. I also remember a few years ago my husband saying he would honor his boring commitment. Guess The Turd does more interesting things like eat sushi, try to look phat and fresh, and try to be a hipster. Arent all of you lucky:). Anonymous. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. No matter what the problem is, communication is critical. You deserve to have a marriage that doesnt just survive - it thrives! I have to basically threaten with taking away screen time almost every time it is time to do something. Please make sure you read our rules here. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. This is not an all-inclusive list. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Fcol, its very tiresome, I guess we just have to focus on our h losing their way and were not strong enough to see their way clearly. This includes the time during and for months after, the affair. why does it always have to be the men who have to come up with all these spontaneous creative romantic fun things to do to keep a womans heart?! She does not know our situation. I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! I basically told him I understand how shamed and guilty that all made him feel, but he has done the crime and this discussion WILL come up from time to time. Egos dont care what the external package looks like. Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! She treated him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward. Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. he says he feels indifferent even to his family. So, if your husband is always working on projects around the house or taking care of the kids, he may be trying to show you how much he cares. If youre the type of person who gets insecure and jealous when your partner talks to anyone else or even just spends time away from you, it might be time to take a step back. Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. Now, us men stood there and talked about the normal stuffsports, work, kids and yes, one of the other guys did do just a little wife-bashing. But some expectations. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. What should I do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? I don't know the answer but I'll be looking for that pdf to read as well!! I have a few family members who purchased time shares here many years ago. I am smarter this time around, and while I dont plan to live my life constantly suspecting him of something, I will not live it with blind trust again, either. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years.
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