As I like to say, Reschool Yourself is “like Billy Madison, but for reals.” In returning to elementary school, Billy and I share some experiences. Here’s how they stack up.
BILLY vs. MELIA
Round 1: Lunch in the Cafeteria
Sloppy Joes + no Snack Pack vs. Chicken Hot Dog + Chocolate Milk
In the cafeteria, Billy ate sloppy joes that the lunch lady made “extra sloppy,” without a Snack Pack (His housekeeper, Juanita, packed him a banana instead, and his classmate wouldn’t trade.) I enjoyed a pretty decent chicken hot dog and a carton of smooth chocolate milk.
Billy: You know I like Snack Pack – why can’t you just give me a Snack Pack?
Juanita: I thought I was your Snack Pack.
SCORE: Billy-0, Melia-1
Round 2: Recess Games
Dodgeball vs. Tetherball
Billy pelted his first grade classmates with a red rubber ball. My third grade classmate whacked me in the nose with a tetherball.
Billy: Now you’re all in big, big trouble.
Melia: OK, game’s over, kids.
SCORE: Billy-1, Melia-1
Round 3: Drawing Skill
Blue Duck vs. Dragon
Billy drew a blue duck because he’d never seen a blue duck before. I drew a dragon from the story “Dragon Gets By.” While Billy might win for creativity, I win for skill.
Billy: I drew the duck blue, because I never saw a blue duck before. And to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.
Melia’s second grade classmates: Whoaaa, you’re a good draw-er!
SCORE: Billy-1, Melia-2
Round 4: Celebration for Passing a Grade
Pool party vs. Staying up ’til 3 a.m. writing a blog post
Billy threw a giant party at his mansion every time he passed a grade. I stayed up writing by myself in my room until dawn.
Heavy Metal Singer: Billy passed the third grade…oh, what a glorious dayyyy….oh, passin’ third grade, the Billy Madison wayyyy.
SCORE: Billy-2, Melia-2
Round 5: Goal of Returning to School
Inherit dad’s hotel business vs. Transform self, other adults, & the education system
While Billy’s goal may be more lucrative, my special purpose (OK, I’m mixing movie metaphors now) is more meaningful.
SCORE: Billy-2, Melia-3
AND THE WINNER IS: MELIA
Melia: I am the smartest man alive!